Performance Reviews

Bowen & Zach

You could tell they mostly knew their lines and they used good props to fill the background so we knew what was going on

Overall everything was very clear. The only thing that did not flow with the theme of their performance was when Bowens excuse for leaving the bank robbery was that he needed to feed his pet snake. I think he could have come up with something like pick up my kids from school or go walk my dog. I just wish it was something more normal.

They at first acted like they were ready to rob the bank but then they both acted nervous and they did a really good job doing that.

It was clear that the characters understood that each other were scared to rob the bank so that each other did not have to be the one to have to admit it

At the beginning they forgot to put their masks down so I could not hear them but once they fixed that it was fine.

Tom & Cole

They did a great job using the fact that the lines they got made no sense and made a good plotline out of it by pretending the lights went out in the basement and they are high. I liked that they made the change from the lantern to the flashlight.

I don't know if I would have figured out that they were supposed to be high if I did not know this prior to their performance. It makes a lot of since when you watch it but I wish they could have found a respectful way to point that out.

Tom and Cole did a very nice job acting scared and freaked out by the lights being out. They both acted like they were a little bit crazy which was good for the story surrounding their performance.

Tom and Cole did a good job expressing through their performance that their relationship was supposed to be friends. They did this by choosing a basement as the location and making the choice to pretend to be high.

Although the lines they were given did not have a clear ending, I wish they could have added some lines at the end to give their performance a beginning, middle and end.

Mike & Percy

They made a good plot out of the lines they were given. Mike established what was happening in his opening sentence.

I could not hear all the lines. I did not know the first time they performed that it was supposed to be classmates doing a group project. However, this made since once they told us that was what was happening.

Mike did a good job showing anger and stress that a lot of students have needed to get an assignment done.

You could not tell their relationship.  I thought it was dad and son but while watching I was not sure.

They could speak louder because I could not hear every line. I think the performance would improve if Mike escalated his anger at the end. It would be helpful for them to make the setting easier to understand through the lines or props.

Dasha & Abe

It is easy to know where they are because of the shopping bags. I liked that they were moving down the mall as they spoke. I thought both of these choices were very effective.

When watching before I knew the story behind their performance, i knew they were shopping but it was hard to tell what they are talking about.

They did a very good job speaking the way siblings talk to each other. They had to find that line between brutal fighting and joking around and they did a very good job achieving that.

I did not know they were supposed to be brother and sister arguing about the sisters habit. I thought they were a couple because I don’t see many sisters and brothers going to the mall.

I would have liked if Abe said something like “Your doing it right now look”, and then point out the habit she is doing while Dasha acts out the habit.

Revision of Someone Paragraphs

Setting

The picture shows a single white magnolia surrounded by a large group of red roses. The white flower stands out among all the rest. It is the only flower that is white in color and contrasts the field of red petals it lays in. The season is early spring because there has not been enough rainfall yet for the magnolia to bloom. 

Story

The gardener planted hundreds of red roses in his backyard to sell. One day while he was planting for the upcoming spring, the wind blew over one single magnolia seed into the large pile of rose seeds. However, the gardener did not notice this because seeds for different flowers can often look the same. The gardener was looking forward to his 25th anniversary with his wife and wanted to give her the loveliest of all the roses in his field. He started to place the seeds into the soil one by one. When the gardener came back to check on his roses after a long week of rain, all the flowers had bloomed. The petals on all the roses were so bright and gorgeous and made the entire back lawn transform into a beautiful field of red flowers. However, in a sea of red, there was one single white magnolia that had made its own space and pushed all the other flowers to the side. This flower was very special to him because it was the one that stood out among all the others. That was the same feeling he had about his wife. He felt his wife was also the most special among everyone else in his life. He picked the magnolia and gave it to his wife that night. As soon as he saw the smile on her face, he knew he had made the right choice.

Picture Story Final Draft

The location where the climax occurs is a bench a block away from Daisy’s foster home in Philadelphia. The story takes place at about ten o’clock at night and the sky is a dark gray with massive black clouds storming over the city. It was down pouring and thundering very heavily because it was early springtime. The scene shows a teenager named Daisy sobbing and wailing on a rusty broken down bench near a local Philadelphia park. Daisy arrives at the park after her foster parent Amanda notifies her that her brother Chris had passed away. In the foreground you can see Daisy crying over her brother's death. You can also see a shattered glass bottle just a couple of feet away from the bench Daisy was sitting on. This will be what she will ultimately uses to kill herself. In the background you can see the neighborhood where Daisy lives and all the playscapes that are at the park. 

Daisy sat on an old bench crying and screaming on a dark stormy night. She was extremely frustrated with her entire life and was certain that things were never going to get better. Daisy was very aware that she did not have an easy childhood. Daisy and her twin brother Chris had been in the foster care system since they were two. They had been in and out of many homes but no family ever wanted them enough to adopt them. Daisy was a poor student because she did not have any motivation to participate in class. She also acted up very often, bullying other kids during school hours, stealing from stores in the mall and getting into fist fights at the park. She grew to hate the person that she became. She desperately wanted to change but felt like everything at that point was out of her control. Daisy’s life was obviously miserable but the one thing that always made it better was knowing that she would always have Chris by her side. After a rough day of failing 4 assessments in school and getting into a couple fights, it was very late and Daisy was on her way home. When she arrived at the foster home she followed her regular routine of heading directly to her room when her foster mom Amanda stopped her in her tracks. Amanda never really talked to her though so Daisy knew something had to be wrong. “Hey Daisy” said Amanda, “I’m sorry to tell you this but Chris passed away today.” Daisy at first did not believe her but once she realized what Amanda said was true she immediately ran outside and sprinted to the park a block away from her house. She was in such a shock that she couldn't even feel herself inside her own body. For the first time in her life Daisy felt absolutely hopeless. She took a large piece of shattered glass from a broken bottle on the sidewalk and cut her wrists open. She kept on doing this until she passed out on the ground. Daisy quickly ran out of too much blood and died just ten minutes later. With a broken childhood and a storm of problems surrounding her, all Daisy felt she could do was tear herself apart.

Second Draft

The setting where the climax takes place is a bench a block away from Daisy’s foster home in Philadelphia. The story takes place at about ten o’clock at night and the sky is a dark grey with huge black clouds storming over the city. It was raining and thundering very heavily because it was the springtime. The scene shows a teenager named Daisy crying and screaming on an old rusty bench near a local Philadelphia park. Daisy arrives at the park after her foster parent Amanda tells her that her brother Chris had passed away. In the foreground you can see Daisy crying over her brothers death. You can also see a shattered glass bottle just a couple feet away from the bench Daisy was sitting on. In the background you can see the neighborhood where Daisy lives and the playscapes at the park.

Daisy stood alone outside on a dark stormy night. She cried and screamed, frustrated with her entire life. She knew she did not have an easy childhood. Daisy and her twin brother Chris had been in the foster care system since they were two. They had been in and out of many homes but no family ever wanted them enough to adopt them. Daisy was a poor student because she could not find any motivation to do the work. She also acted up very frequently, bullying other kids after class, stealing from stores in the mall and getting into fist fights at the park. She grew to hate the person that she was and wanted to change but just felt like everything was out of her control. Daisy’s life was miserable but it helped her to know that she still would always have Chris by her side. After a rough day of failing four assessments in school and getting into a couple fights, Daisy was on her way home. When she arrived at the foster home she followed her regular routine of heading directly to her room when the head of the house Miss Amanda stopped her in her tracks. Although, Miss Amanda never murmured even a word to any child in that home so Daisy knew something had to be wrong. “Hey Daisy” said Miss Amanda, “I’m sorry to tell you this but Chris passed away today.” Daisy at first did not believe her but once she realized what Miss Amanda said was true she immediately ran outside to the bench a block away from the foster home. She was in such a shock that she couldn't even feel herself inside her own body. For the first time in her life she felt absolutely hopeless. She took a large piece of shattered glass from a broken bottle on the sidewalk and cut her wrists open. She kept on doing this until she passed out on the ground. She quickly ran out of too much blood and died just ten minutes later. With a broken childhood and a storm of problems surrounding her, all Daisy felt she could do was tear herself apart.

First Draft

Faith stood alone outside on a dark stormy night. She cried and screamed, frustrated with her entire life. She knew she did not have an easy childhood. Faith and her twin brother Chris had been in the foster care system since they were two. They had been in and out of many homes but no family ever wanted them enough to adopt them. Faith was a poor student because she could not find any motivation to do the work. She also acted up very frequently, bullying other kids after class, stealing from stores in the mall and getting into fist fights at the park. She grew to hate the person that she was and wanted to change but just felt like everything was out of her control. Faiths life was miserable but it helped her to know that she still would always have Chris by her side. After a rough day of failing four assessments in school and getting into a couple fights, Faith was on her way home. When she arrived at the orphanage she followed her regular routine of heading directly to her room when the head of the house Miss Amanda stopped her in her tracks. Although, Miss Amanda never murmured even a word to any child in that home so Faith knew something had to be wrong. “Hey Faith” said Miss Amanda, “I’m sorry to tell you this but Chris passed away today.” Faith at first did not believe her but once she realized what Miss Amanda said was true she immediately ran outside to the bench a block away from the orphanage. She was in such a shock that she couldn't even feel herself inside her own body. For the first time in her life she felt absolutely hopeless. She took a large piece of shattered glass from a broken bottle on the sidewalk and cut her wrists open. She kept on doing this until she passed out on the ground. She quickly ran out of too much blood and died just ten minutes later. With a broken childhood and a storm of problems surrounding her, all Faith felt she could do was tear herself apart.

The Daisy: Present, Before & After

The stem of the flower is picking off the petals of the flower growing out of a cracked ground. Before that moment the flower had all its petals. After that moment the flower has none of it’s petals.

Daisy Picture Questions

Nouns

Flower

Stem

Petals

Ground

Cloud

Action Verbs

Picked

Grown

Flown

Cracked

Characters

Flower

Petals

Stem

Colors

Black

Grey

White

Green

Yellow

Background

Grey with a dark black cloud

Five Senses

Hear- Silence

Touch- Cracked ground, smooth petals

Smell- Flower/grass scent

Taste- Bitter

See- Daisy with stem picking off petals growing off a cracked ground

Adjectives

White

Green

Yellow

Grey

Cracked

Smooth

Specific Details

15 petals still on the flower

Two petals have flown away

The ground is cracked

The stem is picking the flower petals off

Action Verbs Christmas Break

I opened Christmas presents
I bought new shoes
I drove to Vermont
I skied with my friends
I taught childrens ski lessons
I shoveled the driveway
I played card games with my friends
I watched Netflix
I ate ice cream
I slept in my bed